I have this serious heart illness.
More like a contempt. When I get upset with someone, I’d walk away. I don’t work hard and put effort in resenting them, but I’d obliviously try to avoid them. It simply makes me happier, it puts me at ease. Like I said before, I’d rather be happy from not caring for hypocrites.
I noticed how some people aren’t always there for you.
First of all, this is still alright. But when you do show your love and care for someone, sometimes through your own gestures, meaning gestures that are rarely given to everyone else, and they don’t show it back, meaning they don’t return it, that they are there for you intentionally, not just because, that gets to me. That upsets me. That disappoints me. That will then make me walk away as best as I could. So that I don’t mingle with them anymore. I don’t converse with them anymore. I don’t wanna know anything about them anymore.
Because these people aren’t always honest with you.
You know how some of your friends, when in person, is a totally different person with you and when in a gang he/she is a whole other person? I noticed how some of them now are like that and I’ve had those people before, just that I thought at this age, such things won’t happen again but I guess I’m wrong.
For I’m always assuming the best out of people.
And I should really stop. That’s why I get it when people say, as you grow up, you’ll have lesser bestfriends. Friends are many and easy to get, but only a handful of them will stick by you, THROUGHOUT IT ALL. Some of them go with the herd. If that gang thinks you are that, and start spreading it around, and if you’re easily influenced by it, you’ll think like them too. And gosh how I HATE those sort of people.
And admire those with their own sets of mind and principles.
No people aren’t always gonna be there for you and with you. Only the bestfriends would. I cherish my friendship with certain friends a lot because it just is like a relationship. The first two years you still are on good terms, and the third year comes when you may argue or fight. Then fourth year creeps in and what do you know, you’re still together and could laugh over the third year’s fights and arguments.
That to me is honest friendship.
The kind that you can rely on. The kind where the people have your best interest at heart. Where you have their best interest at heart. Who you don’t mind introducing to your family to and who even have your family contacts in their phones. The ones who would come and have your mum’s meals with you when they drop by, just because. The kind who would come to your family events, even if it means coming alone, they won’t mind.
They are the ones I keep close to my heart for they are true.
Friends are many but best friends are a few. If you think you have them, keep them. You don’t have to be in touch everyday to be best friends. You’d know it at heart everytime you meet, that the chemistry is there, the connection is there, and that the relationship is real.
Questions are asked when they think you’re upset over something.
Like “Are you okay, Abir?” That to me is more than enough. And when you find me doing that to you, or if I’ve ever shown how I cared for you, and you don’t return it, then that will be all between us for now. You take good care of your life, we’re not friends anymore, we shall remain as acquaintance.
Don’t get me wrong.
But I’m happy this way, to have you out of my life. It makes me sick to have unnecessary dramas in my life. I’m done with those stuff. I have better things in life to care about. So if you find me not talking to you anymore, that is because we’re acquaintances. We shall talk only when our paths cross. But that will simply remain as “Hie hello goodbye”.
Oh for fuck sake, grow up already.
I don’t wanna waste my love for people who don’t appreciate it. I don’t wanna waste my care for people who take it for granted. I don’t wanna give attention to people who use me with intentions, nor for those who are only there when life is all rainbows and butterflies about me. You don’t deserved me. And I take back those moments when I did show my love and my care.
May you have a blessed life from here on.
Abir Abdul Rahim